Edward Bear - Species Information

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Species Information:
The 'Edward Bear' is a species of very small bear classified as follows.
Kingdom - Animalia Crepundia
Class - Mammalia Teddius Minimus
Order - Omnivora Farmus Kitchenus Scrappus
Family - Ursidae Stuffus
Genus - Ursus
Species - Ursos Edwardos
Conservation Status:
Rare beyond Tetford.
Many bears are natural scavengers.  Edward Bears are no different.  When not travelling (a favoured pastime) Edward Bears are in a safe environment within school and scavenge on a diet of left over school dinners.  Their carefully supervised food intake is managed by Mrs Lee who provides the same service for the pupils.  Don't leave much of your lunch, children, as Edward Bears (commonly referred to as 'Edwards' or just 'Edward') can't bear to see waste food and will eat it all.  There is often far too much and some Edwards are becoming a bit poorly. When outside school, Edward Bears always fast so don't worry if they won't eat your left over lasagne on your holidays.
Some think that the species only exists in Tetford.  This is plainly ridiculous.  Do they think this a work of fiction?  There are rumoured to be small colonies in many parts of the world.  Edward Hamish is a specimen who was found in Edinburgh and whose parents, Edward and Edwina, spent their honeymoon there.  Hamish has now returned to Tetford but still likes to wear his kilt.

Another cousin, Edward Subri, was born in India and has been known to wear national costume when travelling.  He was discovered in the town of Edappadi in Tamil Nadu by staff from Calibre Academy.  It is reputed that other colonies have been observed by bear spotters in many parts of the world, often wearing local costume, but none of these sightings have yet been verified.  A recent report was received of an elusive specimen in Bear Island (near Svalbard, Norway in the Barents Sea).
Known to inhabit the staff room and Mr Hyde's office in the Edward Richardson Primary School, Tetford.  Edward Bears like the safety of small enclosed spaces such as office cupboards and suitcases.  The Edward Bear is a largely nocturnal species and is rarely seen to move with independence whilst pupils of the school are awake.

Once, many years ago (at the time of Edward the Confessor), a small colony of tiny bears lived in Tetford.  Over the centuries a species developed (Ursos Edwardos).  In the early 1990s our headteacher discovered a group of descendant bears, all called Edward, living near to the school pond.  The species had been noted in the village by Edward Richardson and flourished during the Edwardian period but now appeared endangered so an international award winning conservation project was set up.  One of these Edwards has travelled the globe with families from school but the existence of his cousins remained a closely guarded secret until the species was taken off the endangered list in September 2015.

The normal range for this species is within the grounds of the Edward Richardson Primary School but they are hardy and travel with ease and enthusiasm.  Specimens are now journeying to many locations around the planet with our families and friends although extensive colonies have not, to our knowledge, become established elsewhere.  Tracking their range is a key part of our International work.
Since formal classification was established we have been able to expand our own colony and are expecting more specimens to join us soon from Berlin.  Edward's cousins (Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward and Hamish) are now free to join in the adventures around the world. 
You may consider it odd that examples of this delightful species are nearly all called Edward.  Apart, obviously, from the fact that this is the species name they do, of course, consider it quite normal.  They identify each other by scent.  Whoever heard of bears that talk?  They don't need names.  Do you imagine that brown bears have names for each other?  Of course not.  Like everything in Tetford, however, Edward Bears are very clever and have mastered one name.  Impressive or what?
The typical specimen is small, cuddly and is not in the least aggressive.  Just like our headteacher actually!
Adult size is typically around 8cm in height with a weight of approximately 5g.  Perfect for its favourite nest site (a loaded suitcase).
Most Edward Bears are identical and can only be told apart by other Edward Bears.  Generally they are seen with a red ribbon but, occasionally, mutations can be seen with a green or even a white ribbon.
Whilst the Edward Bear enjoys travel, they are a territorial species and can get quite homesick and will refuse to eat until they see Mrs Lee.  If you take an Edward Bear away with you, please return it as soon as you return in order that we can maintain the health of our group.
Related Species (in alphabetical order):
Andean Bear (Tremarctos Ornatus)
Asiatic Black Bear (Ursos Thibetanus)
Brown Bear (Ursos Arctos)
Edward Bear (Ursos Edwardos)
North American Black Bear (Ursos Americanos)
Panda Bear (Ailuropoda melanoleuca)
Polar Bear (Ursos Maritimus)
Sloth Bear (Ursus Ursinus)
Sun Bear (Ursus Malayanus)
Teddy Bear (Ursos Teddius)
Of these ten species there are eight which are known to science and one which is known primarily to children, parents, carers, governors and staff of the Edward Richardson Primary School.  If you are unsure as to which one please, for Health and Safety reasons, refrain from requesting to take an Edward Bear away with you to take a photograph...
Whilst Edward Bears do not have any known subspecies there are many fascinating subspecies of Ursos Teddius which are of great interest.  This species subdivides into 'Ursos Teddius Bookos' and 'Ursos Teddius Cartoonus'.  Photos showing an Edward Bear with physical evidence of any of these would be appreciated!
Any visitors to Peru or Windsor Gardens (London W9) may encounter the subspecies 'Ursos Teddius Bookos Paddingtonus Marmaladus'. 
Visitors to a Jellystone Park in the USA (honestly - I'm not making it up) may find similar evidence of 'Ursos Teddius Cartoonus Yogi'. 
Anyone locating Nutwood may come across the tartan clad 'Ursos Teddius Cartoonus Rupertus'.
The list, and the challenge, goes on...
WARNING - Please DO NOT try to get photographic evidence of an Edward Bear with any of the other species of bear.  It could be dangerous for you and for the Edward.
Collective Noun:
An exaggeration of Edwards.  I can't think why...
Nominated Constellations:
The Great Bear is a constellation in the northern sky.  The Greek for bear (arktikos) gave the name for the Arctic (Antarctic being the opposite).  Sailors would use it as on indicator of north in order to get their bearings (hence the word)!  The Little Bear, another constellation, was named after a little bear...